Hey! I Have Fans!
by Please.Insert.Name
Summary: Emily finds out the hard way that searching for your name in the FBI records is not a good idea. Will include the whole team from various POV's.
1. Chapter 1

Contrary to popular belief, the BAU did not go out and catch unsubs all the time. There were waiting periods, times where they would catch up on their paperwork. Today was one such day. Sighing deeply, Emily signed off what she wished was her last file. Looking at the mountain of folders in her in-tray the illusion was shattered, along with her patience.

Glancing at the clock, she saw that it was just about lunch time. Her chicken salad sandwich was calling, and in half an hour she could eat it. Her stomach rumbled in anticipation. Her eyes were drawn back to the files. On one hand, she wanted to get her work done quickly, on the other she was hungry and wanted something to distract her other than mutilated corpses.

Decision made, she turned to her computer, part of her wondering if she should or should not do this. Ever since she had came up to the BAU she had wondered what they had on her. Would they have information on her Interpol days? Surely it was classified? Well there was only one way to find out.

Typing in 'Emily Prentiss' on the search box, she waited for the page to load, tapping her foot on the legs of her chair. Finally it came through. Frowning, she looked at the list of results. Surely they never had this many files on her? Randomly picking one, she scanned it, her nerves rapidly being replaced with confusion and then finally landing on amusement.

Taking in the web address, she saw that it was something called 'fan fiction'. Part of her - the Agent Prentiss part - was rather concerned that there were people writing stories about them, but they were so far from accurate that this voice was being swiftly silenced. One thing, however, that did disturb her was the names of her male colleagues under the romance genre. Not that she never thought they dated, but well Morgan and Reid together was just gross. Still, she thought she would check it out… maybe there was a risk to security in there somewhere. Okay that excuse sounded lame even to her.

_Spencer clung to his muscled lover, gnawing his lower lip as he grappled with the tears that were trying to fall._

_"It's okay Spencer, you did all you could," Morgan rubbed soothing circles on his back, disturbed by how bony his boyfriend felt._

_"I could have done more."_

_"Look at me," said Morgan forcefully, "Look at me Spencer!"_

_Reluctantly, Spencer glanced up at him, his brown eyes swirling with guilt._

_"It's. Not. Your. Fault" he interspaced his words with kisses, feeling Spencer finally respond and move with him. Tangling his fingers in his hair, Morgan anchored Spencer to him, passion rising between them and leaving no room for any other emotion. Long fingers raked down his back, causing him to release a shuddering moan. Spencer took advantage of this…_

Emily stopped reading, a blush forming on her normally pale face. Her eyes flicked to Morgan and she felt her face heat up even more.

"Emily are you okay?" asked Reid, "You look a little flustered."

"I'm fine," she managed, her voice a little more harried than usual. She just couldn't get the images out of her mind, looking at the younger profiler, she tried to get the visions of him and Morgan kissing away from her current train of thought. It wasn't working.

"What are you looking at? There has to be something on that screen that's making you resemble a tomato," asked Morgan, grinning slightly. Emily cursed Reid for alerting him to her predicament.

Before she could switch the monitor off, both agents had appeared behind her, Reid scanning the screen quickly, whilst Morgan just stared. Emily suddenly wished the ground could swallow her up.

"What the hell!"

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><p><em>AN: This was just me setting the scene, the next chapters should be longer if the muse allows. I read one like this a few days ago, but it was never finished and so naturally I now want to try my hand at it... whether that is good or bad I'll let you decide. This will not always be from Emily's POV, next chapter I plan to make it Hotch's and from then on we'll see. Also I don't mean to upset any shippers of the pairings I write about, the extracts are completely made up by me and are not meant to be offensive._

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds... that said I do plan to own Hotch, that is if my plan works anyway..._

_I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this chapter._

_Please Review!_


	2. Chapter 2

Hotch looked out of his office window. Immediately his eyes were drawn to the cluster of agents around Emily's desk. Dark eyes narrowed slightly, and glancing at the clock he saw that it wasn't yet lunchtime. Wondering what was going on, he stood up, leaving his unfinished reports and exited his office. Apparently they were too engrossed in whatever it was they were doing to notice his presence, and so he managed to come up behind them unheeded.

"What is going on here?" he asked. The agents jumped slightly before turning. Morgan looked bemused, his eyes containing shock, but Hotch also detected a hint of amusement. Reid looked like he was going to be sick, glancing over to the restroom every few seconds. Emily looked embarrassed, a delicate flush spreading across her cheeks. Now he was intrigued.

"Emily found some interesting things on the internet," blurted out Morgan, before being elbowed by Emily.

"Is that so?" his eyes flicked to Emily.

"Yes, I discovered a site called 'fan fiction'. Here they have stories about us, and what we do here at the BAU," confessed Emily.

"And what we do outside it," snickered Morgan.

"You think it's funny!" asked Reid, turning to his friend, "Did you actually get to the bottom of the page?"

"No, I was still on the first paragraph," Morgan's brow creased.

"They wrote us together," whispered Reid furiously, his hands bunched into fists by his side.

"Well yes, it is under D. Morgan and S. Reid, we are both in it" replied Morgan.

"Reid, please explain," said Hotch, just as confused as Morgan.

"They wrote about us as a couple!"

"What?" asked Morgan, scanning the page rapidly. When he withdrew he also looked like he was going to be sick, "And here I was just happy about having fans."

"Are there more on there?" asked Hotch, looking at Emily.

"There are over ten thousand."

"Let me get this straight, there are over ten thousand stories about us on this site?" Hotch tried to wrap his head around this concept. He failed.

"Last time I checked," said Emily.

"Conference room, now. I'm going to call Garcia and see if she can shed some light on this," ordered Hotch, pulling out his phone.

_"What can I do for you today mon capitaine?_" came their Technical Analysts bubbly voice.

"Garcia, I need you to dig up as much as you can on fan fiction, specifically about us. Once you're done come to the conference room with your findings."

_"Anything for you oh fearless leader, Garcia out."_

Sighing deeply, Hotch followed his team, finding that JJ had loaded the site onto the screen, whilst the rest of the team were in deep discussion.

"Aaron, Emily said you had something to tell us," said Rossi, seeing him enter.

"Yes, apparently people have been writing stories about us on the internet," replied Hotch, taking a seat next to his former mentor.

"Why haven't we been made aware of this before?"

"My guess is that no one picked up on it as it isn't something we deal with. How did you find it Emily?"

"I looked up my name," she confessed.

As if to spare Emily further embarrassment, JJ announced she was ready. Looking at some of the stories, Hotch wondered how people knew this much about them. It was concerning, but judging from some of the others there was less than accurate information in these stories which made him feel slightly better about it.

"Just click on one at random JJ, we need to see how much these people know about us," said Hotch.

_Hotch looked at the older woman, passion clouding his gaze as he felt lust take over. Stalking forward, he was met with a guarded expression, but soon that expression changed, a wall lowered in her mind as need took over._

_"I've been waiting for you Agent Hotchner," said Strauss, leaning forward on her desk._

_"Sorry, I was detained later than I anticipated," he all but growled at her._

_"Apologies are merely words Aaron, I think you need to be punished for keeping me waiting," she rose from her chair, choosing instead to lean against her desk._

_"It won't happen again," said Hotch huskily, wrapping his arms around the woman and..._

"Switch it off!" ordered Hotch, his normally calm composure shaken to the core.

"Why would people even think that's literature!" asked Morgan, horror dancing in his brown eyes.

"Aaron, I never knew you liked our Section Chief in that way," said Rossi, smirking. Hotch just rolled his eyes.

"Sorry guys, here try this," said JJ, clicking on another story.

_Spencer gripped the phials tightly in his hand. Making his way towards the bathroom, he charged into a stall after checking he was the only occupant. _

_This was risky, this was really, really risky. _

_The throbbing need coursed through him, and pulling a syringe out of his satchel, he drew up some of the dilaudid, flicking the glass and spurting some out to rid it of air. Unbuttoning one of his cuffs, he rolled up his sleeve and slapped his arm until presented with a big, blue vein. Strapping his belt round his bicep, he lowered the needle closer to his arm hissing slightly as the needle broke his skin. The pain wasn't unwanted though, in fact there was something... Soothing about going through the motions. His knees almost buckled as the high took effect.  
><em>

"But I don't do drugs? Why do they think I do drugs?" asked Reid agitatedly.

"Probably the same reason they think we're gay," mumbled Morgan.

"Rossi, there's one about you," said Emily, trying distract everyone from the abundance of ones with her and Hotch. That was not somewhere she wanted to go.

_Dave looked down, concern being most prominent on his features. Aaron never looked up, encased in his own emotional hell. Dark eyes stared blankly at the wall opposite, and it concerned him to see his lover like this._

_"What happened, Aaron?" asked Dave, kneeling in front of the man._

_"I, I saw it all over again. He was here, right here. You were dead, he had stabbed you, and was coming for me. I, I wanted to run, but I couldn't leave you-" Dave cut off the choked whisper with a kiss._

_"It was all a dream, Foyet isn't here, I'm still alive. You're safe, Aaron, perfectly safe," Aaron's shoulders were shaking now, tears streaming down his face silently._

_"When will it stop?" his voice sounded so broken that it tore at Dave's heartstrings._

_"I don't know."_

"How do they know about that?" asked Hotch aloud.

"Wait… are you and Rossi together?" asked Emily, amusement flashing in her eyes.

"No, but don't think I wouldn't have gone there," replied Rossi, grinning.

"As nice as that is Dave, I'm straight. I was just wondering how they knew about Foyet?" retorted Hotch, but his eyes had a far away look as he tried to put the pieces together.

"Well it was on the news, perhaps someone saw it and decided to write something about it," suggested JJ.

The door opened, and Garcia entered, shattering the pensive atmosphere that had settled in the room. Putting her files down on the table, she looked round at them all, wondering why it was so quiet.

"Garcia, what have you found?"

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><p><em>AN: Thank you for the feedback. Normally I don't like updating the day after posting, but ideas for this were getting in the way of my other fics. Again this isn't meant to offend anyone, I'm also parodying ships that I read/write. Are there any scenarios you want me to parody in the next chapter? If so let me know and I'll try to squeeze it in :)_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds... my plan worked, Hotch is now handcuffed to my bed *grin*_

_I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this chapter._

_Please Review!_


	3. Chapter 3

"Well sir, I've been monitoring this site for a while and-" having four profilers and one Media Liaison giving her piercing glares made her realise what she had just said.

"Garcia, you knew about this and never told us?" asked Hotch, his eyebrows slightly raised.

"I, uh, yeah, sir," she managed, her face having turned a spectacular shade of red.

"What on earth were you reading on there?" asked Morgan, and there was the question she had been dreading. The words 'time to face the music' had never been more fitting.

"When you're away on cases a girl has to get her fix somehow," Morgan's gaze softened at this.

"You know reading stories about yourself can be interpreted as a sign of narcissism," interjected Reid, comforting himself by dragging his mind back to realms he knew about.

"Yes, and so is staring at yourself in the mirror, but these locks don't get so gorgeous without one," said Garcia, smiling at the young profiler.

"Anyway what have you found?" asked Hotch, trying to bring the conversation back to areas he was comfortable in… not that he was comfortable about people writing about him, but the idea of Garcia reading stories about herself and Morgan together managed to outweigh this concern.

"Well the pairings vary, but the most popular I've came across are Hotch/Prentiss, Morgan/Reid and JJ/Rossi. There is also Hotch/Reid, Prentiss/Morgan, Hotch/JJ, Reid/Foyet-"

"How the hell would that work?" asked Reid, his eyes widened slightly as he tried to comprehend what sick bastard would write something like that.

"Found one," called JJ, clicking on another story.

_"Why are you here?" asked Reid, eyeing the intruder with confusion._

_"Because I can't get you out of my goddamn head!" came the gruff response._

_"George, this has to stop. We can't continue like this-" started Reid._

_"No! I know you want me, the lust in your eyes tells me that!"_

_Reid tried to protest this, but found himself unable to. His arms reached out to his lover, embracing him, and he smiled as he felt the familiar hot breath on the back of his neck. _

_"I've missed you," murmured Reid, sighing as he felt himself relax for the first time in weeks..._

"But that goes against the profile. Psychopaths can't feel anything let alone love!" said Rossi, looking concernedly at Hotch. The man had gone pale, and his eyes held the slight hint of disgust. To anyone they would be small signs, but on Hotch it was the equivalent of a billboard with the word 'FREAKED' on it in capital letters.

"These people are obviously amateurs," said Morgan.

"Okay, lets try this one," said JJ, trying to dispel the awkward atmosphere.

_"What did you want to see me about sir?" asked Emily, trying to be suave and failing miserably when she hit her arm off the door handle. Wincing she closed it behind her, trying to hide her discomfort. The amusement flashing in his eyes showed her just how great an actress she could have been._

_"Have I done something to offend you? You seem to have been avoiding me for the past few days and I'm worried," asked Hotch, the amusement replaced with concern._

_"No!" she almost screamed at him, "No nothing sir, I've just been tired that's all". Another stunning display of acting Emily._

_"Maybe it will do you good to unwind. Have you heard of the night out Garcia has planned? Maybe it will be a good idea to attend," nothing but concern swirled in his brown eyes._

_Don't think of the desk. Don't think of the desk. Don't think of the desk._

_"Yes, I don't think I have much choice. Whatever it is cannot be worse than her wrath," joked Emily, cringing at how uncomfortable she felt._

_"I'm counting on it," smiled Hotch..._

"So that is why everyone envies my desk," joked Hotch, effectively thawed out.

"Let me just safely say, I do not think you of you or your desk in that way Hotch," said Emily, wishing she could hide under the table. But sadly she was not five, and so had to face to amused expressions of her team.

"Why don't people envy my desk?" asked Rossi, a look of mock hurt on his face.

"Because of the rumours attached to you and it," said Garcia, smiling devilishly at the older profiler.

"It's not my fault if-"

"Dave, I'm ordering you to stop talking," said Hotch, Reid looked relieved at this.

"Is the idea of me and sex that repulsive?" asked Rossi.

"Yes," said everyone in unison.

"Well at least these people appreciate true beauty," replied Rossi haughtily.

"You asked for it," warned JJ, clicking on another story.

_"JJ, what's wrong?" asked Rossi, heading into the Media Liaisons office only to find that she had been crying. Glancing at the face down family photo, it never took a profiler to figure out why._

_"Will's left me," came the choked reply._

_"Well maybe you two weren't right for each other," said Rossi, ignoring the little men dancing happily inside his head._

_"He, he said I was worthless," managed JJ, more tears falling down her porcelin cheeks._

_"You are anything but, Jennifer," replied Rossi, gathering her in his arms. As she wept into his shoulder, he couldn't help but run his fingers through her hair. He had dreamed of this for a long time, and yet now it was here he was paralysed, unsure of how to approach the matter._

_"Dave, thank you," said JJ, wiping away the rest of her tears._

_"Anything for you Jennifer," said Rossi, capturing her lips with his own..._

"I think I'm scarred," said JJ, clicking the back button quickly.

"But look, it has one review, that has to be good, right?" asked Rossi, amusement glimmering in his eyes.

"That one with me and Reid has three, beat that," challenged Morgan.

"Stop fighting over who has the most reviews, besides Emily and I beat you all in that department" said Hotch.

"Well at least we know they have taste," said Emily, grinning slightly.

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><p><em>AN: Wow, I am gobsmacked at the feedback this has received! I confess I used an extract for the Hotch/Prentiss one from my humour fic Inappropriate Conduct? Me? I honestly couldn't think of one since I've already written a humorous/romance fic about them. Other than that the rest are just made up. I want to thank everyone for their suggestions, I'm sorry I never got round to them all, I'll try to fit them in another time if the chance comes up :) The next chapter is going to deal with scenarios that authors put them through, so if anyone has any situations they want to see then just let me know._

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds... however, Hotch escaped, if anyone sees him then I am offering a 10p reward, 15p if he's undamaged._

_I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this chapter._

_Please Review!_


	4. Chapter 4

"If there is one thing I don't understand, it is how they've got it so badly wrong," complained JJ, scrolling through the stories.

"I know what you mean, there is no way that you and Emily are lesbians for one thing," said Reid, watching the list as if it were some strange alien that may or may not be friendly.

"What?" asked Morgan.

"What about these stories?" asked Rossi, glancing at the screen, interest rekindled in his eyes.

"See, right there," said Reid, pointing to a story.

"I don't know if I want to see this," groaned Emily.

"Yes you do," said Rossi, smirking slightly at how uncomfortable Emily was getting.

"It may contain a threat to FBI security in it," added Hotch.

Emily glared at him. "Even you want to see this, I thought you would be the main one against it!"

"Emily, in the past hour I've been seen as gay, unhinged and obsessive, I really think it wouldn't hurt for you to experience that too."

"Aaron, I think she's already a bit unhinged," interjected Rossi, looking a little worriedly at Emily. Her normally kind face held a rage that was directed at every man in that room. Hotch suddenly feared for his testicles, and resisted the urge to shield them - he had his pride after all.

Hearing the click of the mouse, everyone froze, and then, in the manner that time was fickle for, sped up again, only now all the men's eyes were glued to the screen.

_"I can't believe that man did that to you!" growled JJ, eyeing the bruises on Emily's face. It was mere hours after she had escaped from the compound, and the marks were looking worse than ever. JJ wished that she could lean in and kiss them better, but they were on the plane, surrounded by their co-workers, and so all she could do was watch._

_"I'm fine," said Emily, brushing off her concern. She was trying not to imagine what it would be like if she leant over and captured JJ's lips. Wanting to shake off the feel of Cyrus's hands on her, and just be with another human being. It had been so long since she had been loved..._

"I am not that desperate!" exclaimed Emily, amid the laughter of her co-workers.

"I think it's horrible that you're laughing. What if Emily did really feel that way after Cyrus!" objected JJ.

"I think it's more the absurdity of the story. I mean Emily is more inclined to go for someone who can challenge her, not…" Reid trailed off under JJ's withering glare. Who knew the kind blue eyes could be that scary!

"Remember that Reid, when there is some story up there insulting you."

"But… but it was the truth," stammered Reid.

Everyone's heads moved back and forth like it was an interesting tennis match, not the complete shredding of the myth that women were weaker than men. Their forefathers would be rolling in their graves at this display of _masculinity_.

"Reid, just stop talking," said Rossi, if there was one thing he had learnt from three marriages it was the golden rule: Silence is the right answer 99.9% of the time.

"Here Reid, try this one," said JJ, grinning devilishly.

_They had went in the building. It had all gone to plan. But then if it had all gone to plan then why was there a mini Reid standing where an adult Reid had been moments prior. Morgan groaned slightly, Mondays were cursed he knew it._

_"Mwagan wha' happened?" asked Reid._

_"You tell me little man."_

_"I went into the bwuilding and there wus a fwash of light. I felt funny and woke up like wis," explained Reid, scowling more and more as his speech regressed._

_The door slammed open and the rest of the team appeared. Reid squeaked and hide behind one of the crates that littered the warehouse._

_"Where's Reid?" asked Hotch, scanning the room._

_"I'm here!"_

_"Reid, are you okay?" asked Emily._

_"I'm fwine," Morgan rolled his eyes._

_"We have a bit of a problem," he started. Reid took this moment to appear, looking utterly adorable in his shrunken cardigan and vest..._

"Aw, that would be kinda cute," said Garcia, Reid squirmed as she eyed him, obviously imagining him when he was five.

"But it's impossible, one cannot de-age!" exclaimed Reid, his cheeks turning a delicate shade of pink.

"Or there is this one…" continued JJ.

_"Hotch I can't do this!" yelled Reid, close to throwing his coffee mug at his supervisors head._

_"Reid you have to," said Hotch, his calm demeanour contrasting sharply with Reid's irate one._

_"The undercover I can handle, but the dress I object to!"_

_"The unsub is after transvestites, you are the only one with feminine enough features to pass it off," Hotch turned stare No. 42 on him..._

"Oh man, that's priceless!" exclaimed Morgan, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Reid, this is why you need to learn to shut up," said Rossi, patting the traumatised genius on the shoulder.

"You wouldn't actually make me dress up as a girl, right Hotch?" asked Reid.

"It would depend on the case. Personally I can't picture, Rossi, Morgan or myself in dresses and looking natural," replied Hotch.

"I wouldn't look natural in a dress!" the young agent looked close to freaking out.

"Okay, who haven't we had?" asked JJ, looking less demonic now she had gotten her revenge.

"Garcia hasn't gone!" yelled Morgan, grinning from ear to ear.

"I've seen a lot of it, there isn't anything good," said Garcia.

"Pen, you should really know better than to lie to a group of profilers," said Emily.

"Here's a good one!" JJ clicked on another story.

_Penelope had stayed behind, wanting to de-bug her babies after that meanie had hurt them! Part of her chose to ignore that she used to hack into peoples systems all the time before she was caught, but she never left viruses, she only left tasteful smiley faces to let them know someone had been there. It was her signature of sorts._

_Finally, after many hours her work was done, and she was currently in the elevator, her thoughts travelling to the Ben and Jerry's she had in her freezer. The elevator stopped at the third floor, and Penelope came face to face with the dragon herself. This dragon, however, was de-fanged when Penelope saw that she was crying._

_"Don't take him away, please Damian! He's all I have left," pleaded the Section Chief, her eyes drawn to the Technical Analyst. Penelope played a game that she liked to call 'pretending to be a brick wall.' Once the conversation was over, she had gathered that Strauss's husband was taking away their son - Damian? - her heart reached out to the woman._

_"Hey, um I was going to get some ice cream, I was wondering if you wanted to come, it might help take your mind off things," offered Penelope..._

"I would never befriend Strauss!" exclaimed Garcia, totally shocked.

"And I would certainly never befriend you I can assure you," everyone turned to see Strauss in the doorway, "Would someone care to explain what is happening here?"

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><p><em>AN: I am totally taken aback by how much you guys are reviewing, you seriously rock! I think I managed to get in all the requests this time *high five* Anyhoo the next chapter should be the last so if you have any more requests then give them to me now :)_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds... thank you for finding Hotch mindspsychoaddict, you will find the money in his wallet :D_

_I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes._

_Please Review!_


	5. Chapter 5

"Section Chief Strauss, it appears people have been writing stories about us on the internet. We have been exploring them to see if they contain any threats to security, but so far have found none that are noteworthy," said Hotch calmly, the rest looked at him in relief, not wanting to face down the dragon of the BAU. As it was, they were glad she never had a gun on her, if she did then bye bye Unit Chief.

"I would have thought the Bureau would have been made aware of this immediately," snapped Strauss.

"With all do respect ma'am, some of these stories are rather personal," interjected Emily.

"Regardless of personal information, the Bureau must be notified so we can get those trained to handle breaches of security."

"There is no breach of security that we have came across so far. These writers seem more interested in us as people, not the Bureau itself," countered Hotch.

"Do you have any evidence to back up these claims Agent Hotchner?"

"Indeed I do. JJ bring up one containing the Section Chief," ordered Hotch.

"Erin, you have no idea what you've just done," said Rossi, his lips twitching as he fought the smile that so badly wanted to appear.

_Erin felt the cool steel rub against her skin. The lingerie never prevented the chill that it created, but as lust filled eyes surveyed her, she never cared. She had stopped caring a long time ago. Clutching onto the pole, she shimmied down it, the eyes following her every move._

_"Will I get fired if I ask you to come over here?" asked Anderson, from his position splayed on the bed. _

_"Depends how you ask it Agent," she whispered seductively, spinning slightly round the pole._

_"Ma'am please come over here, I need you," replied Anderson huskily. _

_"Well I cannot let my Agents wait, can I?"_

"Agent Jareau, is this your idea of a joke?" Her cheeks were a faint pink, but her eyes were blazing.

"Of course not Ma'am, there are ones containing all of us in equally compromising positions," replied JJ, looking for another story.

"But JJ, did you really have to put that one up, those were images I never needed," complained Rossi, his eyes glimmering with amusement.

"Agent Rossi you did not need to comment," snapped Strauss.

"Believe me Erin, I needed to," grinned Rossi.

"Agent Jareau, find one with Agent Rossi. I believe someone is in need of a taste of his own medicine," ordered Strauss, glaring at the Media Liaison.

_Dave looked up as he heard happy chatter come up from the hall, They were back earlier than he had anticipated. Sure enough, Emily popped her head round the kitchen door._

_"Are you just up?" she asked, motioning to his pyjama clad form, and the fact that bacon was sizzling in the grill._

_"The perks of retirement honey," Dave grinned at the outraged look that passed over her face._

_"Just because your retired does not make you allergic to mornings!"_

_"See what you've done now! Don't mention the 'M' word, I'll have broken out in a rash by tonight!" exclaimed Dave._

_"Oh shut up!" laughed Emily, slapping him on the arm, "Do you want to go to the park this afternoon then with Jessica? I have to write up some case reports, and she's just getting changed just now so you have," Emily glanced at her watch, "Approximately ten minutes to get ready."_

_Standing up, Dave ignored her, instead ambling over to the grill. Checking to see the bacon was well done, he turned it off, happy that he had prevented an explosion - his first wife never let him live that one down - he scooped the meat onto a plate, before grabbing the toast he had made earlier._

_"Dave, why aren't you answering me?"_

_Sitting back down, he grabbed the newspaper and a pen - he had been doing the crossword before they had came back - and wrote:_

_'You told me to shut up.'_

_"With intelligence like that it is easy to see how you are one of the world''s foremost experts on profiling," said Emily, sarcastically_.

"Because that's as bad as you pole dancing, Erin!" scoffed Rossi.

"Actually I would say being married to you is a fate worse than death, but I think that's just me and every woman you've ever met," joked Emily.

"This is enough, get back to work now! I shall direct this," Strauss looked at the website name, "fanfiction to our Technical Analysts to investigate further."

As she left, the team exchanged relieved glances. That pole dancing story must have really rattled her. Then again, it rattled anyone who could picture it, and Emily personally felt it outranked any crime scene she had ever seen.

Not wanting to tempt fate, they shut the site down, before getting back to work. It was going to be a slow day, and as the minutes passed Emily tried hard not to fall asleep (she had even considered taping her eyes open, but decided she liked having eyelashes so that wasn't an option). Somewhere between writing up the Warner case, and dreaming of food she remembered she still had her sandwich. For such a small thing, the grin that spread over her face at this was just idiotic, but she was hungry, and bored so refused to care that she was getting weird looks.

Rummaging through her bag, she retrieved her sandwich and the bottle of orange juice - if she at least got one of her five-a-day she was happy, but as it was the sandwich had lettuce, and so technically she was having two and so the chocolate bar she pulled out after that was totally justified and _not_ indulgent in anyway. Digging in, she looked around, surprised to see that she had been the only one that was working. Both Reid and Morgan were glued to their screens... wait was Morgan drooling! No she did not want to know what he was reading. Grinning to herself, she looked at the clock. With an hour to kill she did have time. Pulling up the word document, she put her sandwich to the side and began to type. Part of her wondered if her co-workers would read this and trace it back to her - how would anyone else know their reactions as well as she did? - but, with reviewers waiting for another chapter, she couldn't bring herself to care.

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><p><em>AN: Thank you for the feedback! I want to emphasis again that I am just making these extracts up, there are most likely stories like these on the site, but all of this has came from my twisted mind. That said I am worried about where the Strauss one came from *shudder* images like that were never meant to be created! Anyhoo, before I bore you any longer I just want to thank those who reviewed, favourited and alerted this story. Also a huge thank you to those who suggested scenarios and pairings, I generally just stick to H/P so those suggestions were invaluable - although, no offence to any fans of this pairing, I wish I had never known Reid/Foyet existed. _

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I have Hotch back... is it possible for someone to get free from handcuffs and duct tape?_

_I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this chapter._

_Please Review!_


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